Best dating jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 34 Dating jokes - page 2. A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Laugh all your worries away with these funny one liner jokes. Then vote for your favorite one at the page end. These clever one liners on life are perfect for any occasion. You can even use these one liners for Tinder or any other dating app.
Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude. Or dudess. These will put you in the right frame for the night game. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.
Dating Quotes
Group 1
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren't many job interviews where you'll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld
Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 2
On a date I wonder if there's going to be any sex. And if I'm going to be involved.
- Garry Shandling
I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman
I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, 'I could kill you in seven seconds.' I go, 'I'll just have toast then.'
- Margaret Smith
I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes. She said, 'Then go out with him.'
- Don Irreva
I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I've ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 3
My father always said, 'Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.' So on our first date I'd nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha
I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn't think she'd actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed
I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it 'going home in the morning.'
- (Unknown Author)
I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window..
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis @Adar79Angie
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 4
The best part about speed dating is having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny @MoneypennyNaked
My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once..God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77
Guy: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you're smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom @HorribleDancer
My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie @Robert_Beau
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 5
An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus @kelkulus
Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
'So, what's your favorite part of a banana?'
- Brent @murrman5
Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
I just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate @Juststopkate
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 6
Dating is where you pretend you're someone you're not to impress someone you don't know.
- Melanie White
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams
Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman
The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0
Best Dating App For Hookups
One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think 'That's her, she's the one.'
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Ready for more? Go here:
Funny Dating Tweets
Or go back from 'Funny Dating Quotes' to 'Cute Quotes'
Dating Jokes For Women
Or back to the Home Page: 'Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings'
New! Comments
Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.'I call big spoon. Is that gonna be a problem?'
It goes without saying that your opening line has the potential to make or break a match on a dating app. If you totally knock it out of the park with a cute or clever opener, you can not only land a date, but also spark some flirtatious vibes from the get-go. No pressure or anything, right? If you're feeling uninspired (or just tired of using the same ol' conversation starters), fret not: There are a slew of opening lines to use on dating apps that will make a stellar first impression.
There's an art to crafting the best opening lines. For one, you want to be yourself — that's the only way to tell if you have a genuine connection with someone. It's also a good idea to scope their profile and look for little tidbits worth commenting on, like the fact that they traveled somewhere that's on your wanderlust wishlist, or have an interesting tattoo. Be on the lookout for anything you have in common — if you both majored in child psychology, quoted Dwight Schrute, or live for folk-rock music, those are all things you can point out in smooth opening lines.
Ultimately, a winning first message is unique, easy to respond to, and makes the recipient smile, laugh, or smirk (or some combination of the three). Here are a few good opening lines that are bound to stand out in a sea of matches and messages.
I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman
I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, 'I could kill you in seven seconds.' I go, 'I'll just have toast then.'
- Margaret Smith
I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes. She said, 'Then go out with him.'
- Don Irreva
I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I've ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 3
My father always said, 'Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.' So on our first date I'd nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha
I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn't think she'd actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed
I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it 'going home in the morning.'
- (Unknown Author)
I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window..
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis @Adar79Angie
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 4
The best part about speed dating is having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny @MoneypennyNaked
My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once..God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77
Guy: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you're smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom @HorribleDancer
My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie @Robert_Beau
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 5
An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus @kelkulus
Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
'So, what's your favorite part of a banana?'
- Brent @murrman5
Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
I just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate @Juststopkate
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 6
Dating is where you pretend you're someone you're not to impress someone you don't know.
- Melanie White
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams
Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman
The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0
Best Dating App For Hookups
One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think 'That's her, she's the one.'
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Ready for more? Go here:
Funny Dating Tweets
Or go back from 'Funny Dating Quotes' to 'Cute Quotes'
Dating Jokes For Women
Or back to the Home Page: 'Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings'
New! Comments
Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.'I call big spoon. Is that gonna be a problem?'
It goes without saying that your opening line has the potential to make or break a match on a dating app. If you totally knock it out of the park with a cute or clever opener, you can not only land a date, but also spark some flirtatious vibes from the get-go. No pressure or anything, right? If you're feeling uninspired (or just tired of using the same ol' conversation starters), fret not: There are a slew of opening lines to use on dating apps that will make a stellar first impression.
There's an art to crafting the best opening lines. For one, you want to be yourself — that's the only way to tell if you have a genuine connection with someone. It's also a good idea to scope their profile and look for little tidbits worth commenting on, like the fact that they traveled somewhere that's on your wanderlust wishlist, or have an interesting tattoo. Be on the lookout for anything you have in common — if you both majored in child psychology, quoted Dwight Schrute, or live for folk-rock music, those are all things you can point out in smooth opening lines.
Ultimately, a winning first message is unique, easy to respond to, and makes the recipient smile, laugh, or smirk (or some combination of the three). Here are a few good opening lines that are bound to stand out in a sea of matches and messages.
Jokes About Dating Men
- 'Pop quiz: What are your thoughts on pineapple pizza? No pressure, but this could seal our fate.'
- 'I think there's something wrong with my phone.. because I can't find your number in it.'
- '[Insert GIF of the Titanic splitting in half] An icebreaker. There, I did the thing.'
- 'In case you were wondering, dad jokes are the way to my heart. Anddd fire away! The cornier, the better.'
- 'Two truths and one lie — go. Fair warning: I'm pretty good at this.'
- 'Looking for the Jim to my Pam.. know anyone who might be interested?'
- 'I have this rule where I only talk to strangers on the Internet about pizza. So, thin crust or deep dish?'
- 'You can tell a lot about a person by their Netflix queue. So, what's the last thing you watched?'
- 'I'm going to make this real easy. If you want to make me swoon, send me the best animal GIF you can find.'
- 'Be honest: Did you swipe right for me or my fur baby?'
- 'What size bowling shoes should I get for you? You know, for our date at the bowling alley this weekend.'
- 'If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.'
- 'If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple.'
- 'When your mom told you she wanted the best for you, I'm pretty sure she was talking about me.'
- 'My grandparents met on [insert dating app name], so I'm feeling really good about this.'
- 'I've heard that flattery will get you everywhere, so has anyone ever told you that you look like [insert celeb's name]?'
- 'I don't mean to brag but I happen to be really good at overthinking my dating app messages. What about you?'
- 'Wanna send memes back and forth until we finally feel comfortable enough to meet up IRL?'
- 'I'm from the future and we need to be together because our child will achieve world peace.'
- 'Let's just skip to the important stuff: Chunky or smooth peanut butter?'
- 'Sorry it took me so long to message you, I was at Trader Joe's trying to figure out what to buy you for breakfast.'
- Serious question. Best invention: tacos or [insert dating app you matched on]?'
- 'Here's my life story in five emojis. I'd love to hear your interpretation of that. Better yet, what's yours?'
- 'I call big spoon. Is that gonna be a problem?'
- 'Real talk. Is that actually your cute dog or did you borrow him for bait? (BTW, it's totally working).'
- 'Sorry, I'm looking for the exit, so we can go out?'
- 'If you could live in any sitcom, what sitcom would it be?'
- 'You're putting together a mixtape for your crush, what's your opener song?'
- 'I can tell a lot about a person from their favorite Disney movie. What's yours?'
- 'Choose your own adventure: Brunch date, hiking date, or movie date?'
Best Dating App Dad Jokes
The goal is to kick off the convo with a line your match cannot refuse, and any of these dating app opening lines is sure to do that. Dating beach near cambria heights ny. By putting in the extra effort to say more than just a 'hey,' you'll start seeing those replies in no time.
